how I feel about the borderline hating me and pushing me away

So, I'm not allowed to tell my shrink how I feel. If I do they can take away my freedom. So, instead I fill out their little forms and tell them mostly how I feel.

I tell them it's because the man I love tells me he hates me, baits and switches stuff. Picks a fight then freezes me out for months.

My shrink says I'm just depressed. He says I don't have PTSD even when I told him i was severely abused and neglected and went to school with broken arms and black eyes, he still says I look sane.

I ask him if I should be locked up somewhere and he says, no, you are sane.

But I don't feel sane. I didn't when my sister was abusing me and i certainly don't now. The people I love hate me. there is like nothing to be done about it. And it makes me obsess on how if I were different they might like me.

But, i'm not in the habit of catering to what others want. Though it makes me lonely, I am authentic.

Anyone knows who grows up in severe abuse that you learn to present as sane so the shame of being harmed by your own family won't haunt you at school. You want to be liked, so you make excuses about your black eyes and stuff you can't really tell anyone.

but, when i fight with Control Guy --- he tells me:

If i ask about his mother--that I want her dead and in fact wish her dead and am laughing at her being sick.

If i ask about facebook---something very triggering to him ---- it is indicative of me being a bad person, one who hates him and hates everything in the world except for facebook.

When I say, If you are seeing someone, it's cool, but we can be friends, he says: you know goddamn well I'm not dating and not able to date and you are making fun of me and I hope you die and you deserve to die.

all of this is peppered with him telling me my face is ugly my body is ugly and i have enough "fans" on facebook and instagram.

This makes me feel like dying. because it's so irrational, and he is dead serious.

What do i do about someone who hates me? I've reasoned with him, but his hate for me persists. He took me to the Cure only because I made a piece of art and it was him cut out and placed on a cat and i posted it all over town taking photos of it. Because, his reasons are so irrational, he hates me for no good reason. I felt he should have a reason. (still I took all the photos down immediately--I just put them up for the photo) It got him to like me for two seconds, but then hate me again.

How does this special hatred feel? terrible. Awful. Disgusting. Is it my fault? maybe. that's the part that hurts. If i wasn't me, he wouldn't hate me.